Aug 27, 2007

She's a man eater..

I was looking through the dictionary the other day and found an enlightening entry that got me thinking.

MILF, Acronym; Mothers I'd Like to Fuck - see Stiffler's mom. A teenage fantasy made famous by the film American Pie and any number of online B grade porn sites.

I kept looking for the next entry that I was surprised was not there. MINF, the Mothers I'd Never Fuck.

Now obviously outside of some of those southern states of the USA, your own mother qualifies right away as a MINF so by that logic the acronym should be in use right? But I've never seen it.

Recently I met a MINF and this was what got me thinking along these lines.

As I have mentioned before, I do a fair bit of dancing. The cool thing about dancing is that you can be all sexy and sassy, shake your bits and grind your hips, say thanks and move onto the next girl and do it all again.

It is all the sexy bits with none of the mess or commitment with an unspoken boundary of fair play that ensures no one gets hurt. Now sure, eventually with all this hot and steamy action it will happen that there will be a spark between consenting adults and next thing you know you are swapping bodily fluids in the car park - but that only happens once or twice a week, you can't expect it every night you go out for a dance.

Unfortunately with all this sexual tension, you get the tourists that turn up looking for love. They don't really care about the dancing, so much. They wear way too much make up and perfume and are dressed as if off to a year 10 formal or worse still a B&S at Wagga Wagga - and this is just the guys. The girls can be really scary.

Normal mid week classes aren't too bad but it is the dance parties and socials on weekends when it gets really messy. It isn't a school night, the MILFs and MINFs tend to avoid church on a Sunday and most have shipped their kids off to the ex-hubbie or worse still have just left them at home with the current hubbie and are looking for a pants party.

Now when I had a GF, this all just passed blissfully over my head. Sure I saw the blood red lipstick and the plunging d├ęcolletage and the batting shag me eyes, but I had an inoffensive out to the common question "so are you here by your self" - well no actually see the 5' 7, 46kg blond grinding away over there, she is taking me home again tonight, sorry, maybe next week...

Things have changed. I have lost my polite excuse and am now at the other end of the food chain and it is not a nice place to be at times.

Which brings me to my recent scary moment and bit of blog fodder.

Normally for a bit of fun at the weekend dance parties they will quickly teach a few close moves late in the night so that people looking for an excuse to get close and cuddly can do it under the pretense of leaning a new move or two.

Now depending on the mood and the people teaching these can be really racy moves and you need to know your partner reasonably well or just want to get into their pants. You are going to be close and to look good it has to be steamy.

Anything else and it is as awkward as watching you aunt Mavis pretend she is Fergalicious against uncle Arthur. Welcome wrong town with a population of two.

So this night I was going to sit it out. The person I would have liked to have done it with was not there and the quick demo made it obvious I could not just ask anyone to do it. The unspoken vibe is that if I guy asks a strange girl to do a close moves class then his is obviously either a bit creepy or wanting a shag, the girls however seem to be able to ask anyone - go figure.

There was a tap on my shoulder and there she was a MINF. Presentable, under 50 but trying way to hard and as harsh as it sounds just not what I am looking for. With big brown eyes challenging me to reject her she asked if I would do the class with her.

"I was going to sit it out, got to change my shirt, I'm all sweaty right now.." I tried to say.

"Don't worry about that, sweaty is goood" she drawled.

Run away my brain screamed! Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

"Um....ok..." I said. It is good clean fun, it is not like she has two heads or anything.

The first move was nice and easy, some close quicksteps, spinning around each other. My right hand nice and secure up on her shoulder blade while her hand was allowed to wander lower down my back - did she just tap my ass???

Second move, turn her out and wind her back and around into a wrap and a couple of nice little CJ's stepping back and forth, our faces are only an inch apart and her eyes are blasting hole through to the back of my scull - man that is intense. My nostrils are being stripped raw by the perfume she bathed in before coming out for the night. It is starting to feel like a bad idea.

Third move, two options, unwind her and wrap her in front of me and control the following grind or wrap her in behind me and let her drive. I think I'll take option one so I can see what is happening.

As she rolls in front I end up close behind her, my arms wrapping around to her front and gently holding her arms crossed over her tummy. We gently rock left and right in time with the music as my left hand brings her left hand up to the side of her head for a sexy little glide down her hair, over her shoulder and bust and back to the hips.

This is all supposed to be done with her hand on her body and my hand on top. I am not supposed to cop a feel here, it is supposed to look dirty without being dirty but then it all goes wrong.

With each little roll of the hips, left then right and left again, she is pushing back into me harder and harder. As I bring her hand up to her face she leans her head back into me. I can't see the look on her face but a friend of hers sitting on the side of the dance floor is now laughing so I gather she is putting on quite the show of lusty enjoyment.

Guiding her hand down her neck and she deftly slips her hand out from under mine and squeezes my hand under hers as we hit her shoulder. As we rock to the right again my hand is pressed over her collar bone and onto the full left breast and dragged over a nipple that feels like the rock of Gibralta. Moments later and I am fighting to keep on track for the hip, she seems determined to go via another route.

Abort, Abort, Abort!!!!!

I make it to the hip and manage a controlled body roll before a nice little hip spin to gain some separation. She smiles at me like a Hyaena and squeezes my hand. Her friend who was watching has nearly slipped of her seat she is laughing so hard. I can feel by cheeks burning. This was not what I was looking for tonight.

We have a few more run practices of the mini routine and each time there is a fight over who's hand goes on top and where it visits. She wants to try the version where she is behind and in control but I just don't want to risk it. There are too many people watching as it is and I want them to dance with me later on rather than be scarred by the show she seems determined to put on.

The class finishes with a last run through then into the rest of the song to do with as we please. The lights go down and I am praying for the music to end so I can beat my retreat.

As the song fades out she rushes in for a big hug.."Thanks so much, that was great fun...Another song?"

"Um, Really need to change this shirt" I mutter.

"Ok, then maybe later?"

"Um maybe." I say glancing around the room for a 5' 7, 46kg blond to pretend is my GF...Hell I'll even take my XGF back right now if she is here.

"Say where do you normally dance?" she asks expectantly.

"Oh, this is my last night ever..I go into a monastery in the morning, in fact I have to go press and pack my robes...cya!"


Kitty said...

You PROMISED you wouldn't tell everyone.

Josh said...

Kitty, there were no names until you put yours to it! Silly girl.

Kitty said...

oh please! as if they wouldn't know it was ME! it's obvious!!

that's IT. i'm leaving you for Fingers.

phishez_rule said...

Bwah-ha! Unfortunately, it is easy enough to do something like that.

Glad you had a good night. I'm heading off to do a spot of dancing myself shortly.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Good grief...I haven't danced in SO long, I think I've forgotten how.

Of course, get a couple of rum and cokes in me and I won't CARE that I don't remember how...I'll just get up and do it anyway. ;)

phishez_rule said...

So was it the Samba that you were doing? The off the shoulder rolls make me think so. But I've seen the rubby move done in fast rumbas as well.

I can't count the number of times I've been dancing with a guy and inadvertently brushed up against his *ahem* privates. The first time I did it I nearly died! And then there's the inadvertent groping by the guys.

Who says we need to go out to the carpark to get our kink on?

Josh said...

Kitty, thanks mate, another girl leaving me. Boo hooo hoo.

Phish, yeah way too easy but tell you what, if I a guy tries it on he can expect a slap or a very embarrassing scene on the dance floor. Why is that?

Stacy, that is the best way to get started. Nothing like a few drinks to lubricate things.

Having said that just about every dancing social or party I have been to, the drinking is pretty minimal.

Phish, the dancing is Ceroc which pretty much steals from everything else.

Come for a dance one night and I will show you the moves and you can decide if we need to leave the floor or not to get funky.

Jenny! said...

Always run away! Better to be safe than sorry!

Josh said...

Jenny, I agree but I am a slow learner some times..