Aug 3, 2007

Down with fake boobs..

What is it with fake tits? GF5 of mine had 'em and I have to say that apart from a nice shape they actually worried me as much as they turned me on.

I am not a big tit sort of guy, give me small perky boobs any day of the week - today for example would be great! Hers were not stupid big porn star boobs, they were cute little handfuls that she had done when she was about 18.

Apparently she had been depressed because she was not going to ever get big titties. This was overseas and was done under a health care system that gives out boobs to under developed brats.

Now that just strikes me as totally odd with all the shit that needs to be fixed in this world - fake boobs do not seem to rate as a medical emergency in my book.

So anyhow after years of playing with these things I had forgotten what real boobs felt like. A short time after I got all single again thanks to a walk out by GF5 I hit on a hot little thing and re-discovered the real thing. My god they were great. Smaller than GF5's falsies but so soft and supple with fine little nipples that got rock hard if you just breathed on them. Sadly two weeks of fun was all we got so she does not get a GF number but damn she and they were nice.

Since then I have had the displeasure of encountering a rather large rack that looked great in their holsters but once released spread like an oil spill from the Exxon Valdese. The fucking things were sad as can be, and this was not an old bird, they should have been in better condition. Maybe big tits just fail at age 30? You guys tell me.

Suffice to say they did nothing for me and combined with a lack of reciprocal action I am not planning on going back for more.

A good friend once replied to the line that more than a handful is a waste, with the retort that we have two hands for a reason. I still think one hand per boob is the ideal and will be shopping for small to medium fruit in the organic isle from now on.


Miss Smack said...

Like an Exxon Valdese oil spill.. .that is perfect! HAHAHA

Josh said...

Yeah, I hate to rag on someone for physical stuff but this was just wrong and what I would expected from a 60 year old hippy...

Miss Smack said...

oh dear, like the dried up old prune from "Something about Mary " only DD ?

Madam Z said...

I could never understand the fascination with big tits. It's what's below the waist that counts, with both sexes. And after reading your recent posts, monkey man, what's below MY waist is feverish!

Josh said...

miss Smack, Yes but the DD made them scarier. I need to stop thinking about them and move onto firmer pastures.

Madam z, about your fever - I'm not a doctor but I'll have a look.

em said...

Yes, breasts that are D and higher will tend to hang lower by a woman's 30s and especially if she has children. Some men really don't mind. As long as the nipples aren't actually facing down and she doesn't look like she's from the pages of National Geographic, then it's all good. Otherwise - BREAST LIFT!