Woops I did it again!

No, I have not flashed my bits to paparazzi, no I am not cruising around town with an unsecured toddler.

I have been attempting to break bits of my body in the pursuit of happiness.

Well that is a bit melodramatic but I am a boy and by all accounts we don't do pain and suffering very well.

With summer technically drawing to a close it was with a rush of blood to the head that I hit the water yesterday afternoon for a bit of kite boarding. It was an average afternoon with just enough wind to get going but the sun was out and the water was warm.

My circle of kite buddies is rapidly growing and no less than a dozen text messages bounced around between us all to confirm where we were going and what the wind was doing.

It was like a demo day with people swapping kites and boards and generally showing off.

The biggest kites amongst us were a couple of 16m beasts. These things are like tractors and in 10knots will blast you along very nicely indeed. In 15 knots anyone under about 95kg will start to get nervous. Above that screaming and large amounts of air time starts to be compulsory.

At this point I have to admit that technically I am a n00b in this sport. Sure I can get up and going and have even started doing small jumps and turns but at that point where ego exceeds skill level I end up with a salt water flush of my sinuses and generally entertain those sitting on the beach or sailing next to me.

Yesterday was no different.

On a 16 and heading towards the beach, I found myself on a little gust and the beach was coming up fast. Much faster than expected.

At this point there are two little physics lessons you should know about kite surfing.

1) The faster you steer the kite, the more power it generates - fast movements of the kite over your head will result in huge airtime. This is how you jump!

2) The more people watching, the bigger the crash.

I started to turn the kite back to other tack while trying to ease the power off and initiate the turn but a 16 is a big kite and it moves slowly. I was running out of water.

I turned the kite a bit faster and knew I was peering over that bleeding edge.

Silence. I am flying! Cool...

oops...not cool!

Eject, Eject, Eject!

I kick the board from my feet as the sand appears under me, I keep the kite over my head and power it up again to control the landing. At this point I am well outside my skill set and know it.

The landing is awkward and I roll my right ankle and go down like the proverbial sack of potatoes. Rolling forward and straight back to my feet looking cool - all be it covered from head to toe in sand.

My ears are ringing with the laughter from the peanut gallery.

I do what all self respecting blokes do. I ignore the pain in the ankle, I grab the board and return to the water in a defiant cloud of spray and a wave to the crowd. For about another 30 minutes.

What
A
TOOL!

Today I can hardly walk. The peanut gallery were not fooled either. They got to watch me limp around the beach packing up and again later as we left the Thai restaurant. Even a great feed and a few Bundy and cokes could not fix it.

I hope I can get it sorted before tomorrow - there is more boarding to be done and dancing during the week. I have watched a movie already with the ankle bound and elevated and I am over it!

Less limping and more action please.

Cops are tops.

I live on a busy road. On any given day there is a metric tonne of traffic flowing past and while I sure would not want to have small kids zipping around here on bikes, I can live with the nose.

What I am struggling with are the pricks that chuck rubbish out of their cars as they drive along. Nearly every day when collecting the mail I will pick up various drink bottles, fucking MacDonalds wrappers and other assorted rubbish deposited on the verge.

Yesterday I was mowing said verge and picking up yet more crap before it got pulped in the mower. As I stood there with another handful of bottles a passenger in a car driving past tried to collect me with his donation of a MacDonalds drink cup. He missed me but put the container square in the middle of the grass with a cheer and a wave of his hand.

My first reaction was to throw something at the fucker but he was doing about 60km/h and it was all a bit futile. Then I laughed. Indeed I laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself.

A few cars behind him was a copper. As they accelerated past me the lights came on and the female officer in the passenger seat gave me a big grin and a thumbs up. The road has bit of a bend in it and I did not get to see them tag him but I went back to my mowing knowing that there was good chance his day was not going to be as good as mine.

About 40 minutes later the cops pulled up in the drive way for a chat.

They wanted to know if I wanted to take it any further, file a complaint or something because the litter was thrown towards me and at some speed. I asked them how far it had gone already.

The female officer (Cute one too!) giggled and got a dirty look from the obviously more superior and straight bloke.

It turned out that the driver was driving while disqualified. Thanks to his passenger he got a free ride to the police station and now had a court date as well as a fine for littering to deal with. I figured that was funny enough to leave it at that.

It made my day.