Feb 23, 2008

Woops I did it again!

No, I have not flashed my bits to paparazzi, no I am not cruising around town with an unsecured toddler.

I have been attempting to break bits of my body in the pursuit of happiness.

Well that is a bit melodramatic but I am a boy and by all accounts we don't do pain and suffering very well.

With summer technically drawing to a close it was with a rush of blood to the head that I hit the water yesterday afternoon for a bit of kite boarding. It was an average afternoon with just enough wind to get going but the sun was out and the water was warm.

My circle of kite buddies is rapidly growing and no less than a dozen text messages bounced around between us all to confirm where we were going and what the wind was doing.

It was like a demo day with people swapping kites and boards and generally showing off.

The biggest kites amongst us were a couple of 16m beasts. These things are like tractors and in 10knots will blast you along very nicely indeed. In 15 knots anyone under about 95kg will start to get nervous. Above that screaming and large amounts of air time starts to be compulsory.

At this point I have to admit that technically I am a n00b in this sport. Sure I can get up and going and have even started doing small jumps and turns but at that point where ego exceeds skill level I end up with a salt water flush of my sinuses and generally entertain those sitting on the beach or sailing next to me.

Yesterday was no different.

On a 16 and heading towards the beach, I found myself on a little gust and the beach was coming up fast. Much faster than expected.

At this point there are two little physics lessons you should know about kite surfing.

1) The faster you steer the kite, the more power it generates - fast movements of the kite over your head will result in huge airtime. This is how you jump!

2) The more people watching, the bigger the crash.

I started to turn the kite back to other tack while trying to ease the power off and initiate the turn but a 16 is a big kite and it moves slowly. I was running out of water.

I turned the kite a bit faster and knew I was peering over that bleeding edge.

Silence. I am flying! Cool...

oops...not cool!

Eject, Eject, Eject!

I kick the board from my feet as the sand appears under me, I keep the kite over my head and power it up again to control the landing. At this point I am well outside my skill set and know it.

The landing is awkward and I roll my right ankle and go down like the proverbial sack of potatoes. Rolling forward and straight back to my feet looking cool - all be it covered from head to toe in sand.

My ears are ringing with the laughter from the peanut gallery.

I do what all self respecting blokes do. I ignore the pain in the ankle, I grab the board and return to the water in a defiant cloud of spray and a wave to the crowd. For about another 30 minutes.

What
A
TOOL!

Today I can hardly walk. The peanut gallery were not fooled either. They got to watch me limp around the beach packing up and again later as we left the Thai restaurant. Even a great feed and a few Bundy and cokes could not fix it.

I hope I can get it sorted before tomorrow - there is more boarding to be done and dancing during the week. I have watched a movie already with the ankle bound and elevated and I am over it!

Less limping and more action please.

19 comments:

miss N said...

I wanna hang out with you! oh the laughs! :)

Josh said...

Miss N
If you enjoy the company of those who should feature on funniest home videos then I am your man.

I am so close to getting the jackpot with a stack that involves both me and the cameraman getting hit in the nuts...comedy gold!

phishez_rule said...

Haha. Real strength is knowing when you're beat and asking for help.

At least that's what I think.

Good luck dancing on that bad boy.

Em said...

haha. .the more people watching the bigger the crash. . that's funny. Sounds fun though! I hope the ankle's better soon.

Josh said...

Phish
I have to disagree on the real strength is in asking for help..that will just never fly in any X games type sport.

The bad boy is fixed and I will be dancing tonight!

EM
Saturday as a rest day was boring all hell but worked wonders.

I was back kiting on it on Sunday arvo so life is back to normal.

The gimp is gone!

Steph said...

Oh dear! LMAO. Hope it heals quickly.

unique_stephen said...

I'm sure you can enlist a young lady to rub it back to health

fingers said...

OMG Josh...was that YOU ???
I was flying over the beach in my F-16 Mega Hornet, having just executed half of a 25G/360 degree loop-de-loop in which I leapt from the cockpit at 25,000,000 feet, went into a terminal velocity free-fall hyperdive and re-entered the cockpit 10 feet from the ground just in time to pull the plane's nose up...when I saw some cunt getting thrown from his kite-board...

Josh said...

Steph
You are only allowed to laugh because you are a legend on a push bike.

Good news is that I am walking, running and kiting again already.

Unique_Stephen
The idea is to get it all supple again, not keep it stiff.

Fingers
Now now, no need to show off or I will tell everyone about the old dude who was shuffling down the beach with his arms outstretched making aeroplane noises.

I think he mumbled something about being a mega hornet at the time...

Bo Bo said...

Holly shit fingers was that you in the F-16 Mega Hornet? I was flying along in my Glastron Speedboat, fully equipped with mines, missiles and hanglider. Trying to escape the evil clutches of Max Zorin a leading French industrialist who broke his ties with the KGB in pursuit of world domination. I almost got away by grabbing onto my hanglider with one hand while shooting back at Max Zorin when I was distracted by some cunt getting thrown from his Kite-board......Dame you Kite-board boy.....Damn you....Damn you to hell.

Josh said...

Bo Bo
This is fantastic, I am getting to put faces to all you characters.

You were obviously the fat kid dragging a little red diamond kite down the beach while waving a pop gun at everyone.

How cute! I felt sorry for you when you dropped your ice cream and started crying though.

Bo Bo said...

I wasn’t crying, I had sand in my eye.

LizB said...

Wow, you're like a real athelete and I feel so inadequate. Hehe. Nice to meet another Fight Club fan; found you by way of Em.

BTW, the word verification was: aefuxhbd. Doesn't that sound like scandalous gossip? Pssst. Did you know AE fux HBD?

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Welllll, since you're all laid up and all....what about giving us a little smut story??? I miss those....;)

Josh said...

Bo Bo
Yeah, I saw fingers kick it in your face...
LizB
Welcome to my lair. Glad to meet another Fight Club fan - that movie surprised and spoke to me.

As for the word verification, you do get some funny ones don't you? I bet you can find the most amazing animals in clouds too.

Stacy
What my queen requests, my queen will get - all in good time though.

I don't want the world to think I am nothing but a smut merchant you know!

UBERMOUTH said...

You're quite rugged!I owuld certainly want you around in an earthquake, unless of course you saw it as a sporting opportunity.

Julie said...

How cool is that. My best friend is planning on taking up kite boarding this summer. My job is to take the photos.

Visiting via Liz's blog, btw. :)

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

And there's something wrong being a smut merchant??? Who DOESN'T love smut???

Hell, if I wouldn't starve to death, I'd gladly crank out smut (stories) instead of working in this office 40+ hours a week. ;)

Just sayin'...

Dagny said...

Oh man. I would love to try that one day.

Sorry bout the crash though. heh.

I am sure it was spectacular. ;)