Woops I did it again!

No, I have not flashed my bits to paparazzi, no I am not cruising around town with an unsecured toddler.

I have been attempting to break bits of my body in the pursuit of happiness.

Well that is a bit melodramatic but I am a boy and by all accounts we don't do pain and suffering very well.

With summer technically drawing to a close it was with a rush of blood to the head that I hit the water yesterday afternoon for a bit of kite boarding. It was an average afternoon with just enough wind to get going but the sun was out and the water was warm.

My circle of kite buddies is rapidly growing and no less than a dozen text messages bounced around between us all to confirm where we were going and what the wind was doing.

It was like a demo day with people swapping kites and boards and generally showing off.

The biggest kites amongst us were a couple of 16m beasts. These things are like tractors and in 10knots will blast you along very nicely indeed. In 15 knots anyone under about 95kg will start to get nervous. Above that screaming and large amounts of air time starts to be compulsory.

At this point I have to admit that technically I am a n00b in this sport. Sure I can get up and going and have even started doing small jumps and turns but at that point where ego exceeds skill level I end up with a salt water flush of my sinuses and generally entertain those sitting on the beach or sailing next to me.

Yesterday was no different.

On a 16 and heading towards the beach, I found myself on a little gust and the beach was coming up fast. Much faster than expected.

At this point there are two little physics lessons you should know about kite surfing.

1) The faster you steer the kite, the more power it generates - fast movements of the kite over your head will result in huge airtime. This is how you jump!

2) The more people watching, the bigger the crash.

I started to turn the kite back to other tack while trying to ease the power off and initiate the turn but a 16 is a big kite and it moves slowly. I was running out of water.

I turned the kite a bit faster and knew I was peering over that bleeding edge.

Silence. I am flying! Cool...

oops...not cool!

Eject, Eject, Eject!

I kick the board from my feet as the sand appears under me, I keep the kite over my head and power it up again to control the landing. At this point I am well outside my skill set and know it.

The landing is awkward and I roll my right ankle and go down like the proverbial sack of potatoes. Rolling forward and straight back to my feet looking cool - all be it covered from head to toe in sand.

My ears are ringing with the laughter from the peanut gallery.

I do what all self respecting blokes do. I ignore the pain in the ankle, I grab the board and return to the water in a defiant cloud of spray and a wave to the crowd. For about another 30 minutes.

What
A
TOOL!

Today I can hardly walk. The peanut gallery were not fooled either. They got to watch me limp around the beach packing up and again later as we left the Thai restaurant. Even a great feed and a few Bundy and cokes could not fix it.

I hope I can get it sorted before tomorrow - there is more boarding to be done and dancing during the week. I have watched a movie already with the ankle bound and elevated and I am over it!

Less limping and more action please.

Get your freak on

Anti-social freak
A mate was telling me about how he and his wife play scrabble on the Internet via fartbook. He may be in his office and she might be down stairs watching TV or making dinner. They will call to each other to hurry up or that it is their move. Sometimes they will take turns from the same laptop and will log out, pass the laptop over to the other person, login and play a move, log out....Please Shoot me if I ever do that.

Seriously, I am going to buy them the real thing for Christmas even if I have to steal it from Steph's hands!

Dance Freak
I had the pleasure of a three hour workshop with one of the worlds best west coast swing couples and they were fucking amazing. The guy was smooth as silk and the girl was like Britney when she was young and hot. It was some of the coolest dancing I have seen up close and has given me a target. I will be that good one day...

Along the same lines, I also had my first man dance that night. Sounds a little gehy I know but it was really cool and the ladies seem to really dig a couple of metro-sexual guys swinging each other around the dance floor. I got to play the boy because to be frank, I make a super fugly girl and I have no idea how to follow a lead. I am keen to learn though because it will help improve my dancing.

Still on the whole dancing thing, I also got asked by one of the teachers if I was interested in helping out with some classes as a demo dolly. This is cool for a few reasons,

1) I get to be on stage and show off my groove thang with a hot teacher. Not that I am a fame whore but I am a fame whore and it will be fun!

2) I am a late bloomer when it comes to dancing so it is recognition that I am actually getting to a good standard. I also love to teach stuff so it is a step in that direction where I can see myself going if I ever get good enough.

3) Can we all scream "free dance classes as staff!" Woooo F'n Hooo! This should probably be at number 1 because it will save me a small fortune but I am a fame whore and finding money is easier to achieve..

Adventure freak
More adventures are also afoot. At the risk of narrowing the field for you stalkers out there. I am doing that big yacht race that starts on boxing day in the town with a coat hanger and with some luck will end in a drunken mess on the shores of Hobart town.


As such I am in the middle of bits of running around in preparation as well as our final days of race training over the coming weekend.

Some smart arse once said that to train for a yacht race you just stand in a cold shower and poke $100 notes down the drain. I have to agree but because we have a few sponsors, it is mostly someone else's cash we are burning. Yipee!

I am getting really excited because this is it for ocean racing, many sailors dream of doing this race and never get the chance. 628 Nautical miles of generally bad weather, broken boats and hard racing. It is known as one of the toughest races in the world because of the high winds and steep swells in Bass Strait and the Tasman that pound the yachts on the trip south.

Blog freak
A fellow blogger, Phish, has been interrupted by some stalker so she is going private with her blog. Don't forget to send her an email to get the keys to her chastity belt...er blog. She is always good for a laugh, a cry and a spank of the monkey when she is writing smut.

Another blog thing - the ever sexy Steph and her Supertards awarded me 2nd place for saying something clever about a mate of hers in a banana suit. Here I was taking the piss about her beloved KRudd and I get a podium finish.

Kyoto freak
KRudd is off and running. Our new Pm has done the one thing the Australian public has been cringing about for years. He signed the Kyoto Protocol, leaving the USA as the only major first world country with it's head up it's bum about the reality of climate change.

Don't get me wrong, I am not in love with this guy and his party. I still suspect that for all the social change and love that people are dancing about, those same people will be crying when the wheels fall of out economy. He strikes me as a dangerous little git that i just don't trust.

The good news is that I am not so one eyed when it comes to politics to actually care what badge you are wearing. If I am proven wrong and the new guy does a good job then I will be more than happy with the result. Schools for our kids, hospitals for the sickos, our troops at home and out of harms way, economic and environmental responsibility. That is all I ask.

Your freak
So what are you folks up to in the festive season? Anyone got a cool holiday planned? Going somewhere exotic? Sitting at home playing scrabble on the net rather than talking to the person next to you? Let me know your plans so I can come and crash your party!