Exclusivity in the modern dating game..

What does it mean after one date, a bit of a snog and a few saucy text messages to get hit with the question "so are we exclusive?"

It is a bitch of a question in my book because it is way to early to know the answer to that unless you are a 18 year old romantic that still believes in true love and in reality when it is ready to be exclusive, you should not have to as such a stupid question.

Being the cynical bastard I am, I took it as a trap. A test to see if I was playing her.

I replied that while I had nothing else on the go, I could understand if she needed a little time to sort stuff out.

I could see us going exclusive in the near future but one date was a little early for me to expect her to just drop everything as well as her nickers.

She liked this answer and I thought I had dodged the bullet. More fool me.

This girl is out there in the land of crystals and auras and connection with the universe.

My connection with the universe is limited to acknowledging that in the words of Carl Sagan, I am made of star stuff...on a chemical level I could just as well have been a part of the sun or a comet.

Ironically those chemicals get all mixed up in new and interesting ways and as luck would have it, between answering the exclusivity question truthfully and date two I was hit upon by two other girls that seem much more interested in lube and a lack of exclusivity .

Normally this would not be an issue, despite my levels of mischief while single, when committing to a relationship I am right there in the moment and such opportunities while flattering, are not acted upon.

They were let down gently and both made sure to remind me to call if the situation changed.

Date two was a challenge.

It involved the reading of auras, the channeling of energy, a guided meditation and me being the only bloke in a room full of slightly quirky new aged girls.

Did I mention that three of them were insanely hot Brazilians...oh, it must have slipped my mind while I was focused on channeling white light to my chakras.

So after ruefully watching the last bit of Brazilian skirt leave the party we retired to the beach to discuss exclusivity.

It seemed that it was not a trick question but one aimed squarely at ensuring she could go on a date with another bloke. It was her perfect reason to delay things progressing beyond snogging, just in case she likes this other bloke more.

Rain and a thunderstorm provided the perfect excuse to wrap things up at that point.

As I drove home with my head spinning a little I did the only thing that seemed fair. I texted the other two girls that I had brushed off earlier in the week and made a date with both of them, for the same night...

The way it always happens...

I have a mate who, along with his wife are Virgin Blue flight attendants. It is hilarious the antics they get up to and the fun they hare having.

Unfortunately I am in that age bracket that is probably too old for Virgin Blue and too young for Qantas.

Anyhow, having also worked for an airline in a different capacity in my deep dark past I had preconceived ideas about staff travel allowances. I had already lived through years of budging mates wanting to get cheap flights that I could not provide and all the shit associated with travelling standby.

The day I booked my first fully paid seat and turned up at the airport knowing I was actually leaving as planned, rather than waiting for some idiot to forget their passport or get stuck in traffic, was the second happiest day of my life. The happiest was when someone else paid for it and it was business class...

So while chatting with my mate about the similarity between Virgin Blue and Fresh!, he drops it that if I want to go anywhere to let him know so he can put me on his staff travel list.

The what the fuck you be talking about Willis????

I had just booked and paid for two trips to Melbourne and one to New Zealand and now the twat offers me staff travel on poon blue?

I was gutted for a moment or two until I realised what this means....Party time people. I have mates in Briz Vegas I am going to visit, chums in Melbourne that I will call on if it ever stops burning down there and maybe even a little bit of Island hopping to chase the wind.

Giddy up.

A new year and an old friend

Boxing day was every bit as much fun on the water as expected and many more afternoons like it followed.

With new years eve rapidly approaching and no firm plans in place I did the only thing I could think of doing and put in a booty call to water bed girl.

There was no commitment as she was trying to make something else happen. We agreed that there was a dance party to fall back on for the evening if needed.

So much like the days before, new years eve started with a massive kite surfing session. I had half my wardrobe in the car to allow for all eventualities and arrived at a mates place for a BBQ and kids fireworks viewing, salt encrusted and skin glowing pink from sun and wind. Much to the amusement of the guests that did not know me, I invited myself to use their shower and re-entered the party fresh as a daisy and much better groomed than 15 minutes beforehand.

With the last chicken skewer finished, the smell of cordite still in the air from the 9pm fireworks and the temptation to settle in for the night on cold beverages and good company, my host chased all the kids off to bed so the adults could take over the wii and Guitar Hero.

It was at this point that I realised two things. One was that as much as I love performing, I really have to be drunk to sing. I was not drunk so there was no way in the world I was picking up that mike. The second was that playing the drums in guitar hero is more fun than playing the guitar. I know guitarists get all the chicks and drummers are prone to vanishing in a puff of smoke if you are in Spinal Tap but it was brilliant fun and an as yet unknown talent was discovered. Even if I say so myself.

As much as I was enjoying this I was surrounded by couples that were very set in their couple like ways. There was drinking and laughing but there was not going to be any sex and even the few single mums in the crowd were in man hating mode. It was obvious that as much as I was good mates with them, rolling drunk and playing guitar hero was not how I wanted to ring in 2009

Around 11pm the expected beep of the phone confirmed that all other plans had not worked out for water bed girl with the simple statement "Going to DP. Don't want to be alone tonight.."

Now, call me opportunistic but I finished up my set, threw the drum sticks into the cheering crowd, pushed passed the groupies signing bare chests as I went. Once in the safety of my car, I started the cross town dash to a guaranteed liaison of the skin on skin kind.

In a moment of panic I realised that I may have been a bit wishful in my thinking to get right into the heart of Five Dock in the last 40 minutes of new years eve but I managed to negotiate all the closed roads with little traffic and even got a parking spot in time for a few dances before the clock struck 12.

Waiting in her glass slippers like Cinderella was water bed girl with that mixed look of joy knowing what was on the menu to start 2009 and a little sadness that neither of us were really spending the night with the person we wanted to be.

Despite that, we put the negative thoughts behind us and I was again left with that smile that waking in a water bed puts on my face.

Christmas continued..

Yet again my enthusiasm for Christmas was failing fast.

Cracks in my relationship with LTL were tearing open faster than the San Andreas Fault in 1906. Arguing over stupid shit like my choice of tree left me dazed.

Christmas eve continued into an ever increasing whirlpool of negative vibes.

Her failure to succeed in cooking some exotic rice based desert somehow became my fault despite me having no input what so ever. For all intensive purposes it looked like rice pudding but was done in some complicated way to ensure a less than edible outcome.

With a kitchen smelling of burnt condensed milk and rice it was time to exchange gifts as that is what you do next to a spruce tree on Christmas eve in her country. Fair enough, we can play that game. Pity about the lack of spruce tree.

Again I got it all wrong. Unbeknownst to me, her take on Christmas is giving lots of individually wrapped little presents. Failure to do so is punished with the quivering lip of disappointment and misty eyed dribble about how the Douche understood how to do Christmas properly. My gift was well received but it felt that the fact that there was only one of them was looked down upon.

It probably did not help that on receiving gift number 53, a calendar full of photos of cats in the same vein as "I can has Cheezburger" that I might have suggested that a single purchase of a Playstation 3 would have fit in better with the existing decor and used less trees in wrapping paper.

Sadly, joking that I would buy my own PS3 in the boxing day sales sparked a debate over the proper spending of funds - A PS3 was frivolous and not the best use of my cash I was told. You can imagine how well that sat with me.

On that note, Christmas eve ended with an early night, some lack lustre sex and me day dreaming about kite surfing or dancing on another part of the planet.

Christmas morning dawned with the news that she was not coming to our family gathering. Wow - more surprises I thought. Christmas is just so much fun!

Would she still be here when I got back from lunch? What about all our plans for the holidays etc. Were they still on?

She did not know the answers to any of the obvious questions and with that cloud hanging over me I went to hang out with family and cop a million awkward questions while I sat at the table with an empty setting beside me.

Thankfully my younger brother and girlfriend were about to produce grand child number two so my inability to produce a girlfriend for Christmas lunch was overshadowed by my inability to breed with one too.

On the drive home I finally gave in to my dark thoughts and quietly hoped she was gone from my house when I got back. Sadly, she was still packing to leave.

I had decided on the drive home that I was not doing another relationship with a girl from far away lands that was going to turn around one day and want to go home. I did not need a girl who despite meeting every other criteria I thought I wanted, would drive me nuts with a love of cats, Christmas and directing my spending habits.

With a wave she was gone from my life.

Boxing day and the sales arrived. I did the rounds of the game stores, JB hi-fi and David Jones. After some haggling I secured a shiny new PS3 with some games and Blueray movies. No sooner did I have it plugged in and the phone rang.

"Wind is building up man...time to hit the beach" the voice on the other end nearly screamed at me. "Is the girly going to come too?"
"What girl? we split yesterday.."
"Awesome. The next few days are going to be pumping. You are better of without a hand brake!"

As much as I was sad, I had to agree. She hated the beach and thought my obsession with kite surfing was silly. I had been looking forward to the plans we had made but really, what the hell had I been thinking? It was going to be blowing 25 knots for days.

To be continued...

An interruption to regular programming

It is that time of year. The heat wave that ravaged South Australia and Victoria is creeping up towards Sydney and it is making life a challenge.

In the middle of all the heat I am trying to rehearse three dance routines and learn a whole heap of West Coast Swing from a couple of amazing dancers from California.

To say things are a little insane right now is an understatement.

I have danced every single night in two or more weeks and have probably averaged about three hours sleep on each.

The legs are weary and I have had to punch a new hole in my belt buckle to keep my shorts on.

Dealing with romance is not a priority right now although that is not to say that the mischief is not continuing in spades. I just don't have time to write it all up.

Currently I am keeping my fingers crossed for Saturday night. Not only do I have the final of a competition to dance in but two other performances to do.

All of that with the following list of lady friends in the audience; one fuck buddy, two ex-lovers, two girls I am considering dating, a third I would sleep with in a heart beat but know would be a disaster to date.

Mean while all my attention will be on my hot little dance partner for most of the night then I am taking another girl back to my place so she can sleep in the spare room as we are just mates...honest!

Wish me luck and expect a good volume of blog fodder and confusion for all concerned.

Thats not a Christmas bush!

I did think long and hard about the offer.

The longer I thought, the harder I got but despite the attraction to waterbed girl, she just was not the one.

At the first opportunity, I set it out for waterbed girl. It was not going to play out that way. LTL and I were making a commitment so that took me off the streets or more to the point out of her bed.

To say she was pissed off was an understatement. She really wanted a play thing and I was messing with her plans. In trying to convince me that it really was a good idea to have a fuck buddy right up to the day that LTL landed in Sydney, she detailed all of my character flaws and showed a few traits that indicated she would be really good at cooking rabbit.

I was not sold on the idea so we parted company making for all sorts of awkward moments socially where we were guaranteed to meet up.

Meanwhile plans with LTL were going swimmingly. In a bold move, she was to spend Christmas with my family as she has none here.

She already knew my parents well enough and by now they had figured out that something was going on so it was a no pressure situation in reality.

We were still skulking around in secret because she had a lot of stuff to sort out with the Douche and did not need the complications that revealing our relationship would bring.

Sadly this is where the wheels started to fall off. You see I hate Christmas. I hate the pressure to buy gifts for people you only see at that time of year. I dislike singing carols and the messed up relationship between a religious birthday celebration and marketing hype. I am not a Grinch but I think I might be related.

LTL loves Christmas.

The more kitsch the better when it comes to Christmas art or decorations. I think she would give Clark Griswold a run for his money if cut loose to drape a house in decorations and fire hazard lighting.

I on the other hand have not dressed a Christmas tree or even had one in my house for the best part of 15 years.

As a surprise to her, I bought a living tree, potted it, decorated it and even wrapped presents in fancy paper and placed them around the tree. It was more effort than I had ever done at this time of year.

On Christmas eve she arrived at my home. The moment she walked in the door I had a bad vibe.

She commented that the tree was the wrong species, it should be a spruce.

I quipped that I considered a pruning a gum tree into a cone shape but ran out of time.

An awkward silence followed.

To be continued...

Complications of the highest order.

2009 is underway and I have already made a mess of things.

Way back before I started blogging I knew this girl, she is just my type of person except she had a douche bag boyfriend, from now known as DB. We always got along like a house on fire and through various sport related gigs spent a fair bit of time together both in Australia and overseas. This was not a dancing thing.

There were moments when I thought it was about to happen but we both always seemed to acknowledge the complications of the situation and would back away before it got messy. In March last year Long time love (LTL) and I had a discussion about the silliness of the game we were playing we finally just got it on and accepted that we really should be together.

Two issues immediately hit us. LTL was not living in Sydney, she still had the DB and worse still, she had no permanent residency just yet. That was in the final stages of processing.

Everything sort of went on ice except for the weekends we met up in which case, it all got a bit hot and bothered.

In that time and because LTL was still not sure when she would be able to leave DB I have to admit I played around and kept looking, and generally playing the field. This varied in intensity depending on how likely I thought it was she would actually ever leave DB.

LTL knew it was a risk that I might get swept off my feet and she would loose me but that was the risk that we were taking in having this play out over 9 or more months on top of the previous 3 years of sexual tension.

Just when I thought it was never going to happen things got hot and heavy with waterbed girl. That was cruising along ok except it was obvious that other than great sex, it was not going to be a life long deal. As if to confirm that was the case, two things happened.

LTL got her permanent residency and she then immediately left DB. Giddy up indeed.

It was time to break it to waterbed girl that while what we had was fun, we really were on different paths oh, and by the way LTL is now back on the scene so we really need to cool it.

That did not go down well. I was not surprised but hey, when it comes to love, you got to look out for number one.

What did surprise me was the reason she was not happy. It was not that I was breaking it off for another girl, it was because she wanted the sexin to continue.

It was her opinion that while LTL may be the real deal, she was not on the scene right here and right now so we should be able to keep fucking like monkeys and enjoying the moment for as long as we could.

Hmmmm. I needed some time to consider this.

To be continued....