Jan 22, 2009

Thats not a Christmas bush!

I did think long and hard about the offer.

The longer I thought, the harder I got but despite the attraction to waterbed girl, she just was not the one.

At the first opportunity, I set it out for waterbed girl. It was not going to play out that way. LTL and I were making a commitment so that took me off the streets or more to the point out of her bed.

To say she was pissed off was an understatement. She really wanted a play thing and I was messing with her plans. In trying to convince me that it really was a good idea to have a fuck buddy right up to the day that LTL landed in Sydney, she detailed all of my character flaws and showed a few traits that indicated she would be really good at cooking rabbit.

I was not sold on the idea so we parted company making for all sorts of awkward moments socially where we were guaranteed to meet up.

Meanwhile plans with LTL were going swimmingly. In a bold move, she was to spend Christmas with my family as she has none here.

She already knew my parents well enough and by now they had figured out that something was going on so it was a no pressure situation in reality.

We were still skulking around in secret because she had a lot of stuff to sort out with the Douche and did not need the complications that revealing our relationship would bring.

Sadly this is where the wheels started to fall off. You see I hate Christmas. I hate the pressure to buy gifts for people you only see at that time of year. I dislike singing carols and the messed up relationship between a religious birthday celebration and marketing hype. I am not a Grinch but I think I might be related.

LTL loves Christmas.

The more kitsch the better when it comes to Christmas art or decorations. I think she would give Clark Griswold a run for his money if cut loose to drape a house in decorations and fire hazard lighting.

I on the other hand have not dressed a Christmas tree or even had one in my house for the best part of 15 years.

As a surprise to her, I bought a living tree, potted it, decorated it and even wrapped presents in fancy paper and placed them around the tree. It was more effort than I had ever done at this time of year.

On Christmas eve she arrived at my home. The moment she walked in the door I had a bad vibe.

She commented that the tree was the wrong species, it should be a spruce.

I quipped that I considered a pruning a gum tree into a cone shape but ran out of time.

An awkward silence followed.

To be continued...


Captain Smack said...

I sure hope this story has a happy ending. Or several.

wee-h said...

Now this does sound like it has a happy ending. One kind of happy ending anyways, the best i guess.

But putting up a tree for her? Arent you setting yourself up for a spectacular fall when you remember who you are (eventually) and refuse to do Christmas again?

Ms Smack said...

Oh I'm watching and waiting in suspenders to see where this is going to go....so please leave them all and update regularly! HA

Let me offer you an idea.

If sex-girl was so happy to JUST settle for sex, without the commitment, and if you're THAT GOOD at shaggin' her silly, your willy will be enough to get her back, if all things fail with LTL.

She seems the type.

If you ARE wanting to hang with her at a later post-christmas tree chaos, don't go thru the details.

Just say 'my place, 7 pm?' and she'll be there.

THEN post sordid details for us :)

Josh said...

Captain Smack Well, I know my appetite so I am betting on several.

Wee-h Are you trying to trick me into giving the ending away in my comments?

Ms Smack I will give you a tip...this was weeks back and in my life right now, that aeons.

It is all happening faster than I can type right now.

unique_stephen said...

Most girls seem happy with plastic - would she be happy with plastic?
I mean tree - plastic tree, get you mind up off the floor.

Ms Smack said...

Faster than you can type!


phishez said...

Haha! Smack, you may even be more desperate than me these days! And that's saying something.

Josh, do us a favour and let us know how it goes? I have a memory like a goldfish. If you take 3 weeks to post again, I forget what the original story is.

Ms Smack said...

LOL I mean CALL me and tell me what happened, Phishy phishy!

fingers said...

It's electric; the tension.
You're the Harold Pinter of sex-blogging...

( . )( . ) said...

Oh deary me. My mum goes mental with Christmas. Drives me nuts.

phishez said...

Haha. Sorry Smack. Living with your mind in the gutter does strange things to a person.

Ms Smack said...

When he tells me I'll tell you!


phishez said...

I'm waay ahead of you Smack. I've already heard.

Ms Smack said...

oh poo.

Josh said...

Everyone Stay tuned, I will return to regular programing in a few days. Right now I am busy causing havoc to ensure the next chapter is as fun as can be.

As for you Phish...stop teasing Smack

phishez said...

And if I don't, what are you gonna do? Spank me?

Ms Smack said...

hahaha, send me the pics of said spanking!

phishez said...

He has all of a sudden gone quiet. Is it bashfulness, or is he spending his time spanking the monkey?