Jul 28, 2008

The list

"We are not really right for each other." she said.

"I know that, but why do you think so?"

She leaned forward and kissed me hard, fingers exploring my chest, twisting my right nipple into an explosion of hot pain. I sucked back a breath in surprise and she bit down on my lip in response making me gasp again.

Is this for real I wondered?

Straddling my lap she leaned back to reach for her purse.

"I have a list and there are some problems."

Her PDA was being held between us, pen poised to mark the verdict.

Everything was recorded, indexed, noted and stored on that little box. From films seen and unseen to favourite ice cream flavours by brand and location. It seemed that I too had made the database. Her electronic replacement for the little black book.

It was yet another quirk in a very unique individual. The more I learned the more intrigued I became.

She was like a trap that you knew was set but the cheese just looked so damn tasty that you had to see if you could nibble it and run away without springing the catch.

"So what is on the list?"

"The main things, the important things..."

"Do I get graded?"

"No, it is binary - 1 for yes and 0 for no. No is bad. Take religion and faith for example.."

"A mechanism for controlling people, a sad and self inflicted joke on humanity that has done more harm than good" I smirked.

"See that would be a zero"

"Mark it down then, that is what I believe"

She kissed me again.

"What was that for, I thought zero was bad?"

"It is but question 2 is honesty and for your first answer you get a one for question 2"

"You're warped"

"No, it is just the way it is. you can believe what you want, I know that god loves me and that I love Him"

"Well you don't need me then do you?"

"Silly man..I can't dance with Jesus now can I?"

Her breasts jiggled excitedly as she giggled. I gently bounced her on my lap to make them sway a little more.

"Are you right there mister?"

"Yep, never been better, so what else have I already been scored on?"

"Cats equal a big zero don't they?"

"Yep, dogs only please and even then not until I have kids and get tied to home more..."

"Kids is good so you get a 1 there"

"Only one? how about two or three?"

The list went on and I was not scoring so well. I already knew this though. I knew this without needing a list or a PDA. I knew this before I actually spoke more than a dozen words to her all those months back. So how was I here?

I focused on the breasts again. Hmmm they were as good a reason as any.

Two hands held my head and we kissed again.

"You are not listening are you?"

"Yes! you said no sex before marriage because it changes everything and causes you to break up and you think that God will make it all work out if you don't put out..."

"Well, what do you think of that?"

"I think if we are going to break up before we have even started going out then we might as well have sex so there is a good reason to break up"

"But what if it works out that we should be together?"

"Then God will forgive you for getting your sexin on early and it will still work out."

"But what if that is not His plan?"

"Hey, if your god is a Him as you keep calling him, then I am betting sex is in his plan, lots of sex. Didn't you read your bible? Lots of begatting to be done, that is the plan."

"I will have to think about that"

"Take your time, I like to delay my pleasure" as my gaze dropped back to her breasts.

The PDA dropped onto the couch and bounced from one corner to the other. With hands now free her nails dug into my chest and raked at the skin. Gently at first then harder until red welts followed them like the con trails of an airliner. My back arched until we were locked in an embrace and her hands started on my back.

"This will never work" she hissed in my ear. "..but we don't need to spoil tonight by talking about that any more"

"Sounds like a plan to me"


Kali said...

Sounds kinda hot to me!

A PDA... God I'd never use one of those I'm far too scatterbrained. Also, none of that rating stuff. I follow my gut instinct.

Even though it's usually wrong!

Em said...

Wow... how fun. A good girl, who is oh so bad... and with jiggling breasts even. You two are definitely not right for each other... but keep going, and tell us about it won't you?

Miss N said...

I don't know who is sexier -- you or her... need.cold.shower.

Josh said...

Kali I know what you mean. I know a few people now who use a list, like a full on spreadsheet - crazy stuff.

Em Yep so wrong for each other but life is short.

Miss N Ah, that would be me :) Now do you need your back scrubbed while you are in the shower?

Miss N said...

Yes :)

unique_stephen said...

There is something to be said for bonking normal godless chicks.

I never did like having Jesus in the bed with me.

A PDA for Christs sake?!?

Anonymous said...

Religion. No good can come of it.

Madam Z said...

Josh, it sounds like you're going to need some first-aid after this session. I think you should find a nice, hot, atheist woman, instead of this religious nut job. We have jiggly breasts too, you know!

P.S. I loved your bathroom grafitti comment on Miss Smack's post.

fingers said...

Very clever !!!
This is your finest post yet, Josh...

unique_stephen said...

I expect photos of Madam Z's jiggling mammeries b4 the end of Aug.

kimba said...

Cute post.. She's lucky she's got good breasts is all I can say..
I am a bit leery of the godly types.. especially if god comes up in a conversation about sex love and relationships more than once..
Also.. someone who has my bits and pieces recorded on a PDA..?

That girl's got too much time on her hands - maybe she should start writing a blog..?

phishez_rule said...

No sex before marriage? She sounds like she'd be a hellcat in bed.

But can you handle just blowjobs until thwn?

Josh said...

Miss N You mist be ready for the shower by now...

Stephen Yeah, I find his beard really offensive.

Jen Ah but imagine our population problems without all those wars started by religion...

Madam Z Jiggle away my friend.

Fingers Thanks for joining our mutual appreciation circle jerk.

Stephen Thanks for trying but it is not that kind of blog you smutty little boy.

Kimba I am so leery that I have to run away after a short period of time.

Phish How shallow do you think I am? Of course I can handle BJ's until then!