May 23, 2008

Effing hacks.

You know when you do something against your better judgement and the result equals your worst nightmare?

You know you should not be surprised or disappointed but you are and can't help it.

You hang your head in shame at your stupidity at being duped.

Well, that is how I feel after shelling out the clams to see Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull.

The reviews were ok, even enthusiastic that they had pulled it off. I think they were paid or drugged or are sad fanboys who don't know a descent screenplay from used toilet paper.

It sucks big hairy balls. George Lucas is a fucking hack and deserves to have all his pencils confiscated lest he ever attempt to put them to paper again.

Sure, the first movie was the only really good one in the now quadrilogy and if there is another man out there that seems capable of making mountains of money out if shit sequels then Lucas is the man.

I should not be surprised he stuffed this one up too.

Harrison Ford must have needed the cash and Cate Blanchet (My Cate, what were you thinking?) should have known better.

I was bored. I actually turned my phone on to check the time and prayed for a call so I could leave the theatre. I laughed at one joke and only because it had nothing to do with the actual story on screen.

There was no need to jump the shark with this movie Mr Lucas. Fans would have enjoyed the ride with so much less.

Sure I sound like I have had a bad day and some may say I was not in the right mood for it.

Not so. Until 15 minutes into the film, I was having a great day. A fine meal with a fine woman after a successful day/week of work. I was looking forward to this movie. I was relaxed and had my sense of disbelief suspended and stowed in preparation for the 125 minute ride.

It was not me, it was the movie.

Do not spend your money.

Do not see the film.

Do not sully your eyes with the crap that is Indian Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull.

/RANT

16 comments:

Em said...

I didn't even know there was an Indiana Jones movie out. I guess I'm not missing much! :-)

Kali said...

Damn. DAMN!

And I STILL have this sneaky urge to go... the voices in my head are whispering 'it can't be THAT bad, surely....'

bitchtasm said...

But you were so looking forward to it too!

You know we still have to go see it ourselves though.

Josh said...

Em
Well you are not missing much but I have to ask, does your new town even have "the talkies" for you to not know that this movie was coming?

Kali
It is like train wreck - you still have to watch it to believe it is happening.

Bitchtasm
I know! Maybe that was the problem. I figure that by lowering peoples expectations they may enjoy it more than I did.

I still guarantee that if you have avoided the spoilers you will walk out thinking WTF just happened???

Madam Z said...

I saw the preview of Indiana Jones while I was waiting to see a rrreaaallyyy GOOD movie, "Iron Man." Even the preview was rrreaaallyy bad.

Kitty said...

sucks that it sucked. harrison ford cannot act his dumbass out of a paperbag with a torch, a map and a guide dog on his best fucking day.

george lucas is a twat.

i never intended to see it josh, but now you've been so severely duped ripped off and fucked over, i am planning to murder harrison and his twiglet bitch girlfriend, which i think is a fitting and appropriate act of revenge!

further more- oh! oh shit. i just caught a eye load of kai's avatar! see ya.
.

Steph said...

Thanks for the advice. I shall download it illegally instead. ;)

Jen said...

Why,why,why couldn't they just leave it alone??!! It's not like any of them needed the money. I have not seen it or heard one person say a single good thing about it. I havn't been to the movies in years and I sure as shit am not going to break the drought with this!! Admittedly, my curiosity will get the better of me, but that's what DVD's are for!

Josh said...

Madam Z
I think that was my problem. Having been thoroughly entertained by Iron Man the week before, poor Indy never stood a chance.

Kitty
Keep your damn paws of Kali. I saw her first...

Steph
Save the bandwidth, it will be on CH10 as soon as BB finishes. The ad breaks will give you time to get more wine, beer or spirits.

Jen
Greedy, lazy fuckers is the only reason I can think of.

The fact that the screen writers guild had to strike shows what the industry thinks of probably the most important creative element in cinema.

Em said...

What are the talkies? And, hey, I'm not in the new town yet! But, I tend to ignore stuff like the latest movies out... :-)

Josh said...

Em
The talkies are what they called film with synchronised sound when it started to replace the old silent films around 1930.

Ignorance of the latest films can be bliss - there is so much crap out there.

Wee-H said...

saw it yesterday.

its complete hokum, baloney, bosh, bull, bunkum, flimflam, hooey and poppycock.

lucas and speilberg have lost it big time.

i had hopes. they werent high. but i had hopes.

fingers said...

Reprising Indiana Jones with Harrison Ford aged 165, adding Cate Boring As Batshit Blanchett for some box-office appeal and hoping to slip it past the cinematic wad tells you Hollywood is fast running out of ideas.
When does the new Rocky movie come out...

Keshi said...

tnxx Josh, cos I was abt to go see it. LOL!

Keshi.

Dagny said...

Well fuck. There goes the weekend plan. LOL

But thanks for saving us the cash.

Lucas should be hanged for all he has done.(since the first 3 star wars and first indy movie) He is hollywood's greatest monster.

Ms Smack said...

I have not seen any of the other Indiana Jones films, and nor, believe it or not, any of the Star Wars films.

I think I've got a natural instinct to avoid anything Lucas makes.

Thanks for confirming something I deeply suspected all along!

Go and see '21' instead. It's based on a true story and it'll make you laugh.