Oct 11, 2007

Where's the freaking monkey?

So I have been a bit distant, not as online as I want to be. Sorry.

Unfortunately it is not because I have discovered the love of my life and been busy shagging in the glow of a plasma heightened environment. No, sad to say, much more mundane than that.

For me it is that time of year where I am called to travel to distant shores and exotic cultures to play games of skill for buckets of gold. Sound good? It is but I'm not telling you where or how or what.

The reality is that the working holiday is still a few weeks away, but in order to make that time I need to get other real life chores sorted so that I am not bothered by the minutia of day to day business while off playing.

I thought I would just jot down a few things that have made me laugh or pushed my buttons of late. The moments that have tickled me.

1 - I had noticed on Facebook that my XGF was listed as being in a relationship, she was also listed as "looking for what ever she could get". This made me laugh because it summed her up perfectly and she probably did not even realise how succinct a self assessment she had made.

2 - The awkward look and silence when I queried my XGF about her new relationship, "so who is the luck boy?" was all I asked.

She shuffled her feet, looked at the ground and mumbled something about "now that would be telling..". Again I laugh because I don't actually care who it is, as a friend I would like her to be happy and I was going to use the conversation as an opening to say that. Alas, either there is no man or I know him and she thinks I will care.

I mean I do care. Who ever he is, will have some great sex, spend a shit load of money and get shafted in the end. Been there, done that, bought the shirt - she took the shirt so I can't prove anything but I know I took that ride....

3 - Shopping and clubbing with a 20 year old dance partner. That is good fun. Really good for the old ego. As a wise man once said, you are only as old as the woman you feel.

The best bit here is she has a boyfriend, there is no expectations, it is a genuine platonic relationship that involves moving, grooving and grinding in public places, in a way that says to the rest of the world that you actually shag like rabbits when you get home.

Now the shopping bit I can normally take or leave - I am a real bloke after all, but we are in a comp together so need to look like partners and spent an afternoon doing the rounds sorting out WTF we were going to wear.

We recently spent an afternoon in dressing rooms with some of the smallest bits of cloth I have seen. The moment that made it all worthwhile...."Sorry babe, I am really struggling to keep looking at your face with that top on" to which she replied, "No seriously, I don't want you looking at my face, what is it doing for my boobs? Do they look good? Are my abs cut enough to get away with it? Seriously check it all out, I need to know the truth ok?"

Fuck I love dancing.

4 - My media player and plasma TV. I got this cute little black cylinder with a giant hard drive that plays all my video stuff. It also has a high definition digital tuner so it can be used as a PVR (Think Foxtel IQ or Tivo). Everything I download is stored on there and plays straight to the TV.

Music, Movies, TV, DVD's and downloaded stuff from the interwebs including Pr0n - all of it available at the flick of the remote on 42 inches of viewing pleasure with full surround sound to keep the neighbours kids awake. There does not seem to be anything it can't play. I love it.

5 - Californication. I am not home much these days and I have little patience for live TV normally. There is nothing ever on when you want it to be. I have given up waiting for ad filled crap to appear on Aussie TV, late at night and weeks, months or even a year after it aired in the US or even Uzbekistan.

Californication is one of a hand full of guilty TV pleasures. Despite the networks here getting their shit together so we are only a week behind, I still download it because the time slot guarantees I will forget to record it.

Sure it has some raunchy sex scenes (well raunchy for TV..) but I actually like the characters. It feels well written and warm underneath the laugh out loud funny spots. I have an empathy for the characters and David Duchovny lives the life I would have if I was a drug fucked, sex addicted playboy writer. It makes me smile so I love it.

In the same group is Dexter - a forensic cop who specialises in blood splatter and just happens to be a serial killer. Very warped but again, so well written it tickles me. I have no idea if it will ever make it to Aussie TV but I am into the second series care of bittorrent and really look forward to each half hour of Dex digging himself a deep, deep, blood and body part filled hole.

6 - Fitness. I am officially bringing sexy back. Justin Timberlake can go fuck himself because I am gonna be the man. This has been a long term project (life long really) and I can pin point where I fell off in the deep dark past and where I am now compared to my peak fitness.

You know you are getting it back when you roll out of bed and straight into 25 minutes of crunches, chin ups and free weights then do the same again before getting into bed. When you dance a minimum of 4 nights a week for about 2.5 hours each time, and go to a climbing gym for a few hours once a week. You know your getting it back when it feels worse to not do it, than it does to do it.

Summer is here and the toys are coming out. I am still not where I was at 20 years old before a big MoFo of a motor cycle accident but I feel like I am going to get there real soon and I am loving it. Not being in a relationship is sure helping this little selfish bit of physical abuse.

7 - Peace returning to blogland. There were a few weeks there where the wheels fell off for a lot of people but we all seem to be back on track. I come here for a good time and a good laugh. It feels like the happy gas is flowing again.

Highlights include Kitty and the tin foil hats, bringing back the Smack, Phish getting some lovin, Steph getting molested by a crazy old Scott, Fingers disappearing up his own butt and the Captains suicide hot line. There are lots more but if you are reading this then you probably already read them too.


Kitty said...

Um...Fingers actually has been disappearing up MY butt Joshie.

Fanks for the shout out on the tin foil Sir Linkalot. xxx

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

*sigh* Cut abs??? Haven't had them since I was about 7 years old. ;)

I've got to check out "Dexter"....I've heard good things about it. Right now, I'm into "Pusing Dasies"....have you heard about that one? About the guy that can bring back people from the dead with one touch...bu then can make them dead again with a second touch? It's pretty cool.

Captain Smack said...

"Been there, done that, bought the shirt"

Nice. People say "been there, done that" but nobody ever includes "bought the shirt", which is what makes that quote.

Josh said...

Wow, I miss read that a Sir Lickalot...I was so sure we had never met.

I agree on the cut abs thing. If you ever needed motivation for insane amounts of exercise and eating right, then it is a younger, fitter play thing.

I will go looking for Pusing Dasies tonight...another one that will either never make it out here or will be the next big show in three years time.

Captain Smack
It is a sad fact that tourists are just not what they used to be.

In the good old days, the holiday was all about the naff shirt, the little pen that revealed the girl in the bikini when you turned it upside down or the plastic replica of the potato that looks like jebus.

Now everyone is in such a hurry that they don't buy the shirt anymore - they just snap a crappy photo with their phone camera and run off to the next thing with a flippant "done that..."

Anonymous said...

Yep, I read them all too and they are worth it.
Blogging should be mostly 'bout the laughs, I agree. But I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't say I did a lot of spying with all the dramas as well.

Steph said...

What type of dancing do you do Mr Monkey?

Madam Z said...

XGF needs to have her head examined.

As for the new dance partner, Madam Z predicts that that, before long, you WILL "actually shag like rabbits when you get home."

phishez_rule said...

Yep. It was a highlight of my week too!