Jun 27, 2009

How much is that pussy in the window?

The guide books suggest you see other parts of Holland first so that you don't get the wrong idea about the Dutch if you go straight to the red light district in Amsterdam.

Fuck that I say. Goldmember taught me everything I needed to know about these crazy Dutch basrards.

All I needed now was to do some window shopping.

Making the most of existing connections, I spent the majority of the day cruising from pub to pub in a mates boat before setting in and waiting for dark to fall and the gawking familys to finish their tour of the red light district.

With darkness not really kicking in until 11pm, it was a lot of beer before the night life really got going.

Walking the streets of the Rossebuurt felt safe and clean. The sex shops were like any other in the world with the only advantage to making a purchase here being the joy of a bag search in Sydney when coming home.

The scene from Fight Club about "the vibrator, not your vibrator...." when discussing humming luggage came to mind.

The icons of the red light district are the prostitutes in the windows.

Most look sad and tired. They stand and bounce and jiggle with cigarette in hand, swim suite or knickers glowing with the red hue of the neon lights.

Every now and then one will tap their window,wink and beckon but nothing about it felt sexy or appealing.

Just when I thought it was time to head back to a pub and seek out more interesting and fully clothed company for the night, I saw a face that actually stopped me in my tracks.

She looked familiar in some way and in my brief pause she obviously thought she had a customer.

She opened her glass door and asked if I liked what I saw.

"Actually,for a moment I thought I knew you."
"Well,you always can get to know me..."
"Yeah, I suppose that is how it works"

I grinned back like an idiot. Her smile felt genuine and held me for a moment longer.

I don't really know how but as she leaned against the door frame we got chatting. Early on I made it clear I was not buying but she did not care, she was up for a chat.

She was smart, educated and well travelled. She had worked at home and came here for a change and some quick cash.

Tourists were stopping to watch. Curious if they were going to see a John walk through the door, to see what happens next.

After a while I quipped that I should let her get back to work, she smiled and thanked me for the chat.

The smile made me melt a little more and wonder what her future held.

Back in a pub later that night, a bunch of English girls were making a ton of noise. It became obvious that a dare was being organised and I was part of it.

Eventually the looser approached.

"We saw you talking to the hooker...did you do IT?"
"Ha ha, no she is my sister, I was just checking on her" I replied.

Needless to say that got me to their table with another pint of beer and that is about all I remember from the night.

10 comments:

phishez said...

"Ha ha, no she is my sister, I was just checking on her"

Fantastic line. Not only do you look ballsy, but you also come across as sweet. Did you score?

Kitty said...

your wit makes me hornay x

Josh said...

Phishez To be honest, no and I could really do with some action about now too.

Kitty Well if you think my wit is good...

wee-h said...

Nothing like Amsterdam, some of the girls are gorgeous!

Hope the English girls looked after you in some way, at least you could have relieved the frustration easily...

Fanny F said...

Cool story, Josh.

fingers said...

I like to go into fruit stores and just chat to the avocados for while before leaving without buying one too...

Josh said...

Wee-H The actually added to the frustration but did provide a high level of free entertainment.

Fanny-F It just lacked a cool ending...was fun though.

Fingers Are you sure you have never put down and over priced and over ripe avocado and walked out the shop knowing it had been squeezed and sampled by one too many people before you?

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Josh...I really like this post. it reflected much of what is you.

I liked what was reflected.

josh...if she said. "For you it's at no cost."Would you have sex with her? Answer honestly sweetie or not at all if you don't want.

And i'll be in Oz when you're there. Will you catch my show...I've written and building three new songs. And sweetie..."For you it's at no cost."

ciao honey. Hope you had a fab time...and please try to remember the rest of the night...I'd love to know. *spiky wickedly grins*

Josh said...

Spiky To be honest, even for free right there and then the answer would have been no. It just felt too odd.

If the offer was to catch up for a drink after her shift and stuff happened then that would be different.

As for catching your show, I would love to see you perform. Free or not, you let me know where and when and I will check it out.

Ms Smack said...

I love these little yarns you spin for us. They're really adorable. Be safe on holidays, my friend.

xx