Nasty Nanna

Why the fuck do people presume that because you are at a dance class that you have to dance with them?

Folks there is a serious downside to this dancing caper and it is the scary and nasty nannas you can cop in a class rotation.

I am sad to say that it is not all (but mostly) perky young fun out there.

I got told off tonight buy this old cow because I stepped out at the end of a class for a much needed drink of water and dare I say it, to rest my weary legs.

Now, I know it is not totally cool, and I seldom do it to people but this bitch is just wrong.

She can't dance, she won't follow and I just could not face four minutes of arm wrestling on the floor with someone lacking the flexibility to wipe their own arse without a brush on a stick.

When there was a break for announcements, I made my apologies and bolted for the bar.

As I was sitting there necking a schooner of water (you know the hard stuff) she strode over and gave me a dressing down asking me if it would hurt to just have one song with her? Am I too good for her?

I was fuming. I wanted to get right back in her face;

Actually nanna, I fucking am! If I am working at a venue then sure, I will dance with every person that asks because that is what you do but on my own dime I will dance with who I like to dance with, and politely accept that they too have the right to brush me off if they choose not to dance with me. Get with the program!

Instead I gave some lame excuse about sore knees (had to pick something the old fart could relate too) then had to stand around like a dick rubbing them for the next two songs before picking the youngest hottest dancer to go and rip up the floor to the Black Eyes Peas - Pump It.

I don't think she bought the excuse...

Rock you

This is an intermission in the preceding story. Other stuff has just happened that I am too excited about not to have a moment of grinning.

Those of you who read here know I love my dancing - Yada, yada, yada.

Well I have started competing and tonight just gone was a pretty major event. I was feeling under prepared but ready to have fun.

Obviously we were better prepared than I thought, well that is what the trophy I am looking at says anyhow - 1st place kids. We killed it.

Time for some well earned sleep - at 2:23am :)

I'm going straight to hell..

Antagonising the deeply faithful seems to have become a wicked little past time of mine.

Now before I get onto the meat of this story I need to take confession. If that last line does not give it away, I am indeed by baptism a child of the Catholic church.

I had the dubious joy of attending a Catholic school and even spent a few early years of that time under the brutal rule of the "Brothers".

My time under the influence of the strap taught me two things in life. Firstly, I actually did more work when threatened with a solid beating and secondly the callous and malicious behavior of those representing their God on earth seems to be directly proportional to their level of faith in a God who, on face value to me at least, really does not give a shit or is also tending towards the masochistic.

It is also possible that He is rather poorly organised and hence the problems that should be fixed with a wave of the hand just keep getting put of until next week.

By now you probably understand that for me, faith in God is not really an option. It just does not compute for me as an individual, to believe that I am part of someone's giant ant farm play thing.

A religious education did nothing other than teach me that religion = control and wealth. I would not go so far as to say control of the weak minded but I do lean that way.

Don't even get me started on the mixing of religion and state...

So back to the fun stuff.

Every now and then on my search for a mate, I meet someone who's faith rules their life. For me this is like bad teeth are to Fanny or an unwashed butt crack to Phish. Pretty much a deal breaker.

The last one of these had beautiful olive skin, deep green eyes and curves in all the right places. She could talk the leg of a chair and seemed totally in touch with her sexuality as far as God willed it. It seemed that his will stopped short of sex before marriage which she proudly announced on our first date. We had met once before but circumstances had us get to know each other via the phone for about ten days before finally meeting again in the flesh.

The date was to be a meet and greet, some dancing and a chance to see if the initial connection was real or imagined. I have to admit that by this time I was already a little dubious as to how far all this might actually go. Our previous conversations had covered the level of her faith, her activity in her church and her feelings on the whole sex before marriage issue. All this was covered between graphic descriptions of how she was sorting herself out while thinking about all the other things you could do while not having sex.

On meeting in the street I was polite and went for a gentle kiss on the cheek. I closed my eyes for a moment too long and found a tongue in my mouth. Hello!

Over dinner she announced that as we were going to be out an about on a work night and her home was so far away, she had come prepared and had her clothes for the morning and a toothbrush for the night. She was going to stay at my place if that was ok.

Um, ok.

To be continued.....