Mar 30, 2008

Come here, come here, go away.

Go away now. Come here!

To say I am confused is an understatement but then again when have we ever really understood this shit?

The plan was simple, head north for some sun, water, kite boarding and fun.

There were no ulterior motives, no need for romps of a sexual nature. Indeed no desire other than the desire to nail new moves on the board, spare my liver a total trauma and avoid complications and entanglements amongst friends, both new and old.

Well the wind failed us and I was left with no other choice than to dance and drink then dance some more. As the hours melted away the discussion of sleeping arrangements heated up.

For me this was simple. I had a nice thick self inflating mattress and a coffin shaped sleeping bag for one. It was my cocoon and haven. It could go anywhere and everywhere and shuttle me safely through to the dawn as it had done so often before.

For others it was not so clear cut.

There were beds and girls in them. The couples were coupled and had their rooms which just left me and three girls to sort out the rest.

The discussion went like this;

"So you two have that room and he and I will share the double bed in the loft." said girl 1

"Its all cool, I will just sleep here on my camp bed" I said.

"No, you cant do that" said girl 2 "I don't think girl 1 is comfortable with sharing a bed with you but I will if you like?"

"Um, I am really happy with my camp bed out here. She can have the double bed to herself." I said

"I tell you what, how about if Girl 2 and him share the double and Girl 1 has the single bed in my room" interjected girl 3

"I am not sleeping in a single bed" said Girl 1 "He will sleep in the double with me - it is settled"

"I am happy with..."

"Shut up, it is settled, you are in with me" said girl 1. "No one is sleeping on the floor!"

Girl 2 scowled at Girl 1. Girl 3 changed tracks on the Ipod while I drank my rum and giggled a little.

Then I too scowled because I realised there would be no wind in the morning. That was more vexing than where I slept.

The hours went by and the fridge got emptied. The music was good but the numbers thinned as a thunderstorm rolled and rumbled out to sea.

Girl 3 retired to her room with the two single beds and then there were five.

The conversation came back to where we were sleeping. I wanted to roll out my camp bed right there on the balcony and watch the stars and listen to the surf - it was magic.

I was not allowed to.

Girl 1 grabbed my elbow requesting assistance with her bag to the loft and boudoir with the double bed. Girl 2 scowled and announced she was off to bed in the room with two single beds.

There was much huffing and a goodnight hug that was too long for even alcohol to explain away.

We bade her goodnight and resumed last drinks on the balcony. Then there were four and it was at 4am. The symmetry was fitting of the beauty of the moon lit night.

There was a commotion from inside and the serenity was broken.

Girl 2 appeared from behind a mountain of bedding and pillows. Poked her head through the door to the balcony and declared that it was all sorted. She would sleep with Girl 1 and I could have the single bed.

"I am happy with my camp...."

"Shut the fuck up. I will be so pissed off if you sleep on that thing while I am up here in the bed with her. You have the single bed. End of conversation ok?"


Girl 1 looked at me with puppy dog eyes and pouted.

I giggled into my rum. I never wanted to share a bed with Girl 1. I never wanted to share the bed with Girl 2.

As I descended the stairs I could hear heated words from above.

"I thought we agreed..." "But you know I wanted...." "Well I am not going to just sit back..."

I shook my head and smiled the crooked smile of a drunk while negotiating stairs that were determined to kill me.

Girl 3 was in the room at the other end of the house. A room with an en suite bathroom and two concrete floors separating it from Girls 1 and 2. As I crept around in the dark and unrolled my sleeping bag a voice slid out of the darkness behind me.

"hello you....."

The fog lifted in my head a little. Ah, girl 3. The really cute one.


fingers said...

So, did you nail any moves on the camp bed, Orgasmo...

Josh said...

You dirty old fucker. She just said hello.

Besides, everyone knows you need a boat rather than a board to get that much action!

Kitty said...

fuck heeeeeeeeeeeeer!

phishez_rule said...

I don't know wether to call you a slut or a stud.

Because if I called you a slud that just wouldn't make any sense!

Dagny said...


I think under the stars would have rocked, and those chicks were morons. But only for their lack of understanding of cool places to lay your head and watch the sky.

Now the question is....did you get any??? ;)

Jayne said...

You clever little sod! I hope you enjoyed it :-)

Steph said...

Did you get some or what??

Josh said...

Um, ok. Your wish is my command...

Oh, I kind of like Slud. It has a wrong kind of ring to it.

Truth be told there was really only the sunrise left to see so where we passed out was not all that critical.

As for getting any...sadly there was no kite boarding for me that weekend due to lack of wind....

Clever sod? You make it sound like I engineered the situation :)

Or what....That is why I am ready for that pickle shoot at the ceiling.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

AND???? AND????

unique_stephen said...

Are you sure you don't want Steph to help you to shoot something else on the ceiling?, you big slud you

Bo Bo said...

I may not be good with maths but three plus one equals four and even if one rolled over and fell out there would still be three. How the fuck did you end up alone in the blow up mattress.

Lay off the Rum star gazer

Madam Z said...

I love your stories, you charming slud, you.

Josh said...

And I plead the fifth.

Unique Stephen
Now that sounds like a great idea.

Bo Bo
You must be a good chef to still have enough fingers to count.

Madam Z
Welcome back! Charming eh?

Kali said...

Ha! Sweeeet....

I can't believe you didn't tell all...