Time for me to fess up. I am not a big drinker. I like to be in control.
A few nights ago I was not in control and shit happened. Lots of naughty but cool shit. I think I need to drink more often.
A few posts back I mentioned a drinking and dancing session with some Polish and Ukrainian people. It was good fun, it was mostly under control and I came to learn that a girl there I liked the look of was actually married to a guy I did not like the look of.
Such is life.
The problem was that there seemed to be a little spark. There were times when we seemed to lock eyes across a room for just a little too long and yet when we spoke, the conversation was just a little too awkward for no good reason.
I thought I was imagining all this. Hell, she is married - to a grumpy, unhappy looking person, but married all the same. I was thinking I had been single a little too long and was starting to read more into situations than was warranted.
So here I am again a few weeks later at another event and there they are. The same couple. The same grumpy dude and the same vibrant, attractive Ukrainian girl. After a few days It was getting obvious. We just both always seemed to know where in a room the other was.
Fast forward to yet another end of event party with large amounts of alcohol to be consumed. Beer, sake and shots of mysterious liqueurs from all corners of the globe mixed with huge amounts of bullshit being talked. Then there she was. Alone.
She slid through the room like a shark and dropped down onto an already crowed couch beside me, almost ejecting another person from the other end. As we made small talk in the crowded room she lent in closer, the eye contact was intense.
Her husband was sleeping, "He does not party, as you know. I hoped you would be here." she said.
Time slid by, the room slowly spun under the influence of the mixed poisons. There were too many bodies crammed into a hotel room made for two so we escaped into the hall way. It was not much better. There were people everywhere but we had a little more room to talk without too many ears.
"I feel like you understand me, I could talk in Russian and you would know what I mean."
She was gently squeezing my pinkie finger. It was an intimate touch and loaded with intent despite the subtlety.
"You are married, this is going in a really bad direction isn't it?"
"I am not happy, that is bad, if not worse?"
Fuck it I thought. I have had a conscious for too long. People make choices and I can't be held responsible for what I know or don't know. She is stunning, her eyes are like deep and mysterious pools of dark water and in that moment I make my choice.
"Is it the drink or is this more?" she asked.
"The drink plays a part but we have been arching like a short circuit for weeks." I said.
"Yes, I felt it also. I smile when I see you. Lets walk, no?"
We made our exit to the stairwell. It was well into the morning and the party was thinning. As we walked down the stairs her hand reached out for me. I squeezed her hand softly and it bought her to a stop. I took one more step down so we were eye to eye.
There was no hesitation, we leaned in together and kissed deeply. Our hands pulled our bodies together and we embraced tightly before she gently pushed me back.
Looking back up the stairwell, her eyes were wide with excitement, her cheeks were flushed and breathing was short.
"What am I doing? How do you do this to me? What if we are found? Kiss me again."
So I did and it was great. It was forbidden fruit and for one moment only. There was no sex but it was every bit as intense and the connection as strong.
It was the answer to the question of what if the time and place were different, would it be as good as it looked from afar? The answer was a resounding yes it just might be.
Will we ever meet again? maybe in a year or so. Who knows. All I know is that I have a warm memory of her eyes and the feeling of her lips on mine that will stay with me for a long time. I feel alive and I have no regrets.