Complications

As I crash onwards through this life my moral compass seems to have left me drifting in a sea of temptation and complications.

With a smile and a flick of the eyes she said there was a line. She was not sure where the line was but we would know when we got to it.

The story was the same as I have heard so often of late. He ignores me, I need more, I am as horny as all hell but he is always tired. The list of complaints went on. What is wrong with these men? Service your bloody women or cut them loose.

In my world, like anyone else's there are many links between people. Shagging the girlfriend of an acquaintance has consequences for all involved. I know this all to well having been on the wrong end of that stick before.

Yet here I am. The alarm bells the quietest they have ever been, washed out by the blood pumping in my ears at the thought of what is about to happen.

We talk about it. Probably for too long but long enough to know the deal.

My position is that I have nothing to offer afterwards. We will not and can never be partners, the drama it would generate in our community is mind blowing. If this happens, if we seek out that magical line then it is for now and to quench a thirst we share.

Her position is different. She thinks she wants more. To be out of her relationship and to start one with me.

I re-enforce my position and stand my ground. I want to be clear, open and honest. That will not happen.

We kiss and explore each other. It feels like it should and the world fades into the background. The consequences forgotten and lost between fresh hotel sheets.

There is no real guilt for me and that is the only thing that scares me. I used to be different and I don't know what has changed.